Next week marks the launch of a new company right in our neighborhood: SuburbanMomma.com! Deborah L. wrote this beautiful "back story" to her company--which is tied into her life and something that all women can relate to who have work/life balance issues. I encourage you to sign up for SuburbanMomma's daily email deals (it's sort of like Groupon but just for moms and North Jersey locales!). She was featured on NY1 News here. I can't wait for the fabulous deals to come in...starting with a great one for the Bronx Zoo on Monday. So don't delay, sign up now! (below the article you can see an exclusive sneak peek at the FIRST offer to debut on Monday)
***
The day it was decided.
Mine is an unconventional household. A second marriage for both of us with “his”, “hers” and “ours” kids. The first batch is grown and in college or graduate school, the “ours”, a precious 5 ½ year old, is like an only child with the house and us (mostly) to herself.
I married extremely young the first time, had a daughter, got divorced and became a single mom all by the age of 23. That daughter is now 22 and every once in a while I calculate in my mind what I was doing at her age and wonder WHAT WERE MY PARENTS THINKING? I wed because I wanted to, not because I had to (I know what you are thinking!) The baby came a full year later. Of course, you can never look back and I cannot imagine my life without this amazing young woman in it but come hell or high water, I would never let her follow in my insane footsteps and give up all the experiences a young twenty something should and could have unencumbered by a family of her own.
At 19, I dropped out of college and went to work because we were flat broke. Nothing like having no money in the bank and a heap of debt to help you make career choices. It took a slightly embellished resume and a not so little fib about my age (making me older!) to land a job in NYC as an administrative assistant. Having once dreamt of becoming a lawyer, I wanted to do more and spent many years working up the proverbial food chain until I got a huge break and was recruited by a software start-up that provided a specialized application to the bank I was working for. This was a small company that needed sales and I was an eager beaver ready to tear into a new challenge and break out of the assistant role. The work was rewarding but demanding and it took me away from my older daughter quite a bit.
Working moms have huge struggles (even though some manage to make it look easy at times). We are helping to provide for the family but in doing so we are far less available. When my older daughter was growing up, I planned my business trips to coincide with her overnight visits with her dad but she remembers that I was never home even though, I most certainly was. Trying to get ahead, there were so many times that I was with her physically but my mind was someplace else entirely. I was young, I was trying to make a better life for us both. Some of my choices I made were good and others, not so much.
The funny thing about having a second family is that there is a sense of getting a “do-over”. I have been down this road before so I know it goes quick – days are long but the years are short. These early years go by especially fast - blink and you go from first tooth to first kiss. However, because I have been here before, my perspective on what’s important has changed. I am more compassionate, more patient and much more tolerant. I think our big kids all see the difference in our parenting style with the little one and it actually causes jealousy (which, frankly, I wasn’t expecting given the age differences). I can’t make any excuses for it. We all get better when we do things a second time so why wouldn’t that apply to parenting as well? I tell my older girl that she got my youth (because Lord knows that I don’t get on the floor and play with this one like I did when I was 22) but that this one gets my wisdom. Not that I think I am wise per se, just wiser than I was at the ripe old age of 25, 26 and 27 trying to make grown up decisions.
I have been a slave to others my whole career, giving 110% and then some because I needed to work up the ladder which was especially difficult because I was a college drop out and, dare I say, a woman in the workplace. To overcome it, I had to work like no other. It did pay off and I eventually earned the career I wanted but at a huge cost to me, and my family. As I entered into mommyhood for the second time, I started thinking about improving my work/life balance and actually doing something on my own so this little girl doesn’t grow up thinking I was never around either. I didn’t know if I had the guts to actually do it until the day it was decided.
One day just a handful of months ago, my daughter, home from a day of school, escaped the babysitter and came crying up to my office in the attic where I work when I’m not traveling. I was on a conference call with a half a dozen people on Skype (so it was a speakerphone) and I was presenting. I heard her wails getting closer and closer as I was making my pitch which caused me to use my “fast talking New Yorker voice” so I could get the words out and silence the speaker. Despite the distraction. I managed to complete my sentence and hit the mute button just as she enters the room. I look at her with the “I’m serious” look (because I know from the sound of the cry that she is certainly not hurt) and ask her what’s wrong. She responds with something totally lame, which I can no longer remember, but it was in the I-am-five-and-I-cry-over-absolutely-nothing category. At this point, I boil over and tell her to go back downstairs. I remind her that she is not allowed to come upstairs when I am working and that she is certainly not allowed to come upstairs crying. Only, I didn’t say it so nicely. I was mean. I was terse. I might have yelled. She knew I meant business and quickly retreated back downstairs to the babysitter. I turned back to my desk to unmute the line and resume the conversation only to discover I didn’t actually mute it in the first place. I am a bad mother and now there are witnesses.
The mortification I felt in that moment still sticks with me
especially because I am not a screamer at now there are 6 people in this world
that think otherwise. My daughter actually lost a tooth that night and when I
posted the picture of Facebook, they teased me that I knocked it out during
that call. (Seriously, not funny.)
It did make me ask myself “what am I doing”? This is the place I did not want
to go back to being a working mom for the second time. This is my do-over for heaven’s
sake. I enjoy working very much and
the income is important to our future but I don’t want to be beholden to other
people’s schedules. I don’t want
to feel torn between my child and my job.
I want to be able to focus on work during school hours and be there for
my child, as a mother, before and after.
I had been working on a business plan for months and months already and that
day, I had to ask myself ”what the heck are you waiting for?”
And so, it was decided. I started acting on the business plan in earnest and my dream of having my own business became a reality with the birth of SuburbanMomma on July 27th, 2010. I set out to create a company that offers balance not just to my family and me but also to other Moms and their families. SuburbanMomma offers local daily deals on things we all spend money on anyway -- enriching experiences for our kids, date night activities for us and our spouse, family adventures and the occasional pampering service. But the thing I am most proud of is that the SuburbanMomma business model has been designed to employ a workforce of moms who want the same work life balance that I do. Moms shouldn’t have to choose between work and family, we should be able to do it all…and have it all (for less!).
Written by the original SuburbanMomma, Deborah L.
***
45% Off a Fall Family Outing to the Bronx Zoo
Fall is a wonderful time to visit the Bronx Zoo and this exclusive offer is as rare as some of the animals that live there! On Monday, you can get a FREE child’s Total Experience ticket (age 3 to 12) with each adult Total Experience Ticket purchased, limit of 2 per family. We LOVE the Total Experience because it provides unrestricted access to all the Zoo has to offer including the Wild Asia Monorail, Congo Gorilla Forest, Children's Zoo, Bug Carousel, Butterfly Garden, Zoo Shuttle and new 4D Theater. Be sure to check out the Zoo's great trip planning resources before you visit so you can be sure to catch the animal enrichment sessions, or other great family activities!
During October weekends, you and your family can enjoy the Bronx Zoo’s BOO AT THE ZOO spooktacular events: go on a Haunted Safari, navigate the hay maze, travel through Creepy Hollow on the Lost Hay Ride, visit the Treat Stations, enjoy a mysterious magic show, energetic musical performances, puppet shows and more! So much to do and see, it will drive your little ghouls wild. So pounce on the buy button and get ready for a roarin’ good time.
Deal Details:
•Expires October 31, 2010
•Limit: 2 per family
•Attractions subject to mechanical and
weather availability.
- May not be combined with any other offer
- Not valid on parking, merchandise or rides
Deal Highlights:
Available Dates:
9/17-9/18
Columbus Day
Plus Any Saturday or Sunday in October
Costumes Encouraged During Boo in the Zoo Weekends!
Sign up now to get this great deal on Monday! SuburbanMomma.com







